My Love Break Read online

  My Love Break

  Anna Antonia

  DelSin Publishing, LLC 2015

  Love billionaires, second-chance love, and D/S love romances? Then sign-up for my newsletter: http://anna-antonia.com/newsletter

  Copyright © 2015 by Anna Antonia

  All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission from DelSin Publishing, LLC. DelSin Publishing, LLC and the author assume no liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Published by:

  DelSin Publishing, LLC

  www.delsinpublishing.com

  Cover Credits: Konrad Bak

  Cover Design: CGM Web Designs

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Quote

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Thirty-Two

  Thirty-Three

  Thirty-Four

  Thirty-Five

  Thirty-Six

  Thirty-Seven

  Thirty-Eight

  Thirty-Nine

  Forty

  Forty-One

  Forty-Two

  Forty-Three

  Forty-Four

  Forty-Five

  Forty-Six

  Forty-Seven

  Forty-Eight

  Forty-Nine

  Fifty

  My Love Regret

  More Anna

  About Anna

  Of joys departed, not to return, how painful the remembrance. –Robert Blair

  1

  RISA

  I couldn’t breathe.

  I replayed Damian’s question over and over again in my mind.

  “Who are you?”

  My gaze, wide and filled with horror, stitched itself to his, valiantly lunging for threads of memory that were snapping with each second that passed. A frown settled on Damian’s beautiful, pale face.

  It wasn’t the kind of frown he wore when I’d irritated him or disobeyed because I felt saucy. It was the frown that one wore when confronted with rudeness from a stranger.

  The stranger that was me.

  I tried to open my mouth but I could feel a scream erupt as soon as my lips parted. I clamped it down and backed out of the room. My legs were clumsy things but they did their job.

  “Wait.”

  I reacted to the command, obedient to his will, even if he couldn’t remember why I would be.

  “Why are you upset? Were we already introduced?”

  I shook my head. Damian’s face relaxed. “Very well. You are an employee then.”

  Always the lord even when his brain was filled with scar tissue and apparently no memory or thoughts of me.

  Pinching my top lip with my teeth, I swallowed the words that would betray my shattered heart. Words that screeched “How could you forget me? I thought you loved me, Damian!”

  Those words were no good.

  They weren’t even the worst of it. The worst part of it were the words I didn’t want to say out loud. Words that whispered “Was my body all you really liked? Was I not enough to stay for, to remember?”

  What to do? What to do?

  Damian’s mother came into the room, inadvertently making my decision for me. I slipped past her with a murmured apology. I heard her elegant voice call my name once but it wasn’t enough to keep me there.

  I had no place anymore if Damian couldn’t remember me.

  The person I’d become to fit with him, to make sense in his world, had no place. I was gone as if I never existed.

  We loved each other. It was real, but that love is gone if he doesn’t remember.

  Desolation crashed into me.

  I took off in a run. I ran past Damian’s ever-present shadows, past the startled nurses and doctors making their rounds, past the faces that didn’t matter, and ran until I reached the front door.

  Pushing through them, I ran down the steep and curving drive. I should’ve cared that I could fall and shred the tender skin of my palms and legs. I should’ve cared that today was the first time I’d left the clinic since Damian’s admittance over two months before.

  I’d care later.

  The only thing that mattered to me was how was I possibly going to live now that I had a ripped, smashed, and mutilated heart?

  The only man I’d ever loved was gone, leaving a near-perfect facsimile in his place. I’d been keeping vigil for Damian and it never once occurred to me that I’d already lost him.

  Dimly I noticed a rhythmic pounding punching through the ragged gasps pouring from my open mouth. If I ran far and long enough would Damian sense the missing piece of himself? Would he remember me then if I was gone completely? It wasn’t close to a real plan, but it was apparently all I had.

  Lose me just so you can love me more.

  It was insane, as insane as being chained up by the love of my life and then losing him to a night of violence that I still didn’t understand.

  I sped up, pushing my body to the breaking point. The road blurred beneath the weight of my tears. How could this have happened? I’d prayed for so long, making 12th hour pleas with any listening gods if they’d only let Damian live. Never could I imagine during those sessions that any had listened.

  Wicked, evil things making mischief with my life by granting my wish.

  Feverish and maddened, I zoomed to those late night supplications. They circled through the drain of my mind. What went wrong? Did I not bargain well enough? Was promising my life, my career, my dreams not enough?

  All I could reason was that a dark god came along to destroy my life on a whim because I didn’t know how to pray the right words. Because I didn’t know how to bargain well enough.

  I already lost Damian and I didn’t even know it.

  My emotions became a force of nature. Lost in the raging storm of grief, I wanted to die.

  Pain I could live with. Abandonment I could not.

  A strong hand grasped my upper arm while another arm slid across my waist. I was caught. Teetering on the brink of madness, I wished for it to be Damian. That somehow, someway he remembered me again and defied his body’s weakness to run me down.

  “Miss Kelly, you must not do this thing.”

  Of course it wasn’t my Damian who’d kept me from running clear across the country. That Damian was gone.

  Instead, my newest captor was the leonine male with the name and coloring to match.

  Leon Konstantinov.

  I didn’t know who he was to Damian, but I’d seen the deference of the security detail towards him to know Leon was just as important as the CEO of Black-Price Holdings and Bridgewater National. Although we hadn’t spoken much, Leon had always treated me with respect. Some part of me appreciated his silent concern but I didn’t want concern.

  I wanted Damian.

&
nbsp; Leon let go of my waist, but kept his hand on my arm. He was right to do so because I would’ve taken off like a shot otherwise. Trapped, I sucked in air, snot, and tears while keeping my face turned away. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I didn’t want anyone but Damian to see me so low.

  It was quickly apparent Leon didn’t want to see me that way either.

  He stood by my side stiffly. His hand remained a manacle on my arm. The sensation was nothing like Damian’s touch, but it was an unnecessary reminder of all I’d lost.

  What if Damian never remembered me? Then I’d be gone like starlight at the dawn. Returned at night, but never the same.

  All the tears I refused to shed while my love was in a coma poured out. I pressed my free hand against my mouth, but it did no good. I moaned like a wounded animal. I’d only been able to survive because it never occurred to me that I’d lose his heart.

  Oh my God. Damian doesn’t love me anymore.

  2

  My legs refused to support me any longer. Leon’s grip loosened so I could sink to my knees.

  I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know what I could possibly do to change this, to make Damian remember me, to make him love me again.

  How would I win him over?

  Replaying the politeness in his gaze, the question that passed his beloved lips, all of it made me bow my back and let out another scream.

  It wasn’t fair.

  It wasn’t fair that we’d made it so far, come so close to starting a new life, and then this happened.

  ***

  “Because I want forever with you, Risa.”

  “Forever?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not exaggerating?”

  “No.”

  Silence.

  “Are you asking me to—”

  ***

  What was he going to say to me next? Would I ever find out?

  My sobs eventually quieted down. I drew my knees up to chest. Helpless, I thought back for the millionth time if somehow I caused this.

  What if I hadn’t snuck out of his apartment instead of facing my fears like an adult? Would Damian have never been shot? Would he be in New York now, doing whatever it was that he did while overseeing his multinational conglomerate?

  I’ll never know but I’ll always wonder. I wish I could’ve done it all differently…

  Collapsed there on the immaculately manicured lawn, I saw myself as the ultimate in selfishness. Not that long ago all I had wanted was for Damian to survive.

  Then to wake up.

  Then to be okay.

  I got all that and more. The fact that he seemed to have all his facilities and mobility should’ve been enough for me. Instead I was wailing as if Damian was dead all because he couldn’t remember me.

  But what if he never remembers me? What if he never falls back in love with me?

  Past the shock of being forgotten, that was the crux of my grief.

  I hadn’t even known Damian felt anything for me beyond lust until that fateful weekend. He’d broken the law to show me what he felt for me. My fingers touched my ankle. Even now I still felt the weight of the chain there.

  That was our love. Unbreakable. Profane. Beautiful.

  I wiped my face with the back of my hands and let out a shuddering breath. It wasn’t that big of a surprise to see I still suffered from insecurity.

  Just two months ago I’d been so afraid that Damian couldn’t possibly love me and so I’d run away from him before he could reject me. It would seem that I did it again, except this time I knew for a fact Damian didn’t love me because he couldn’t even remember me.

  What was I going to do? Was I going to run away yet again or was I going to stay and fight?

  Dropping my head back, I looked up at the sky. It was the blue of spring. The blue of rebirth. The blue of hope.

  Have you learned nothing yet? You can’t run when emotional things get hard.

  I didn’t generally see myself as a coward, but I couldn’t deny how cowardly I was when it came to Damian.

  I wanted him so much that the very thought of losing him made me lose my sense. I saw forever with him early on, even when I didn’t think I had the right to. I wanted what my parents had except with my own kinky twist.

  I wanted to be under Damian’s hand for the rest of my life.

  I wanted to play our games until I couldn’t move. I needed his fingers in my hair and his cock deep inside me while he took me hard. I craved the crash of our bodies working in sync to chase a bliss we could only give each other.

  Damian intoxicated me with his body, but it wasn’t just that. I wanted his lips to belong to me and his heart to carry only my name.

  Forever. Marriage. Babies. A house. A life.

  Together.

  Damian and Risa.

  Determination pushed black grief off to the side. There was no time for me to be crying like a little fool. Damian needed me whether he realized it or not.

  Letting out one final watery sigh, I got back up on my feet. Leon reached out to steady me. “Are you okay?”

  “I am now. Thank you.”

  Leon nodded. “We’re going now.”

  “Yes.”

  Our walk back took longer than my flight away, but it gave me time to compose myself. I reacted badly, but I was determined more than ever to be there for Damian and trust that either he’d remember me or fall back in love with me.

  It would be one way or another.

  Nothing else could happen. We loved each other too much for it to disappear like this forever. And it wouldn’t—not as long as I drew breath.

  Looking up, I zeroed my gaze on the windows of Damian’s suite. Giddy surprise rolled through me when I saw him staring down at me.

  3

  DAMIAN

  The woman was crying. I didn’t like it but I didn’t know why.

  My gaze fixated on her tiny form, one that looked out of place and lost in the Swiss countryside. I saw my brother Leon standing guard over her. I wondered if she was perhaps his lover.

  Something inside my gut twisted at the thought.

  I was too possessive by far over an employee. Still, her presence soothed me. She often spoke to me about the most mundane things, never really requiring a response.

  Coming to from that endless night, the woman was the first person I saw. Her devotion was impressive and my attachment to her was understandable.

  I associated her with rebirth and salvation.

  Still, I didn’t like the idea of her belonging to Leon. I liked the idea of her belonging to me.

  I frowned as a shaft of pain pierced the spot behind my left eye.

  “What’s wrong, Damian?” Elaine asked me in Russian. Given her Cold War purpose, her English was as perfect as her Russian, but when we were alone the mother tongue was our preference.

  I waved off Elaine’s question. “Nothing.”

  My guardian, the woman who’d raised me since I was a newborn, stared at me with an impassive expression. Only I could see the tiny spark of concern twitching once at the corner of her mouth. Compelled, I added, “It’s just a little pain. Nothing much to concern yourself with.”

  Elaine gave me short nod. “What happened with Risa?”

  Ah. So that was her name? Strange that I didn’t remember hearing it before.

  “I don’t know what happened. I just asked her for clarification.”

  My guardian’s expression tightened in confusion. “Clarification?”

  It was then that I realized I was missing something important. “I’ve forgotten her, haven’t I?”

  Elaine’s ice-blue gaze widened fractionally. Her miniscule sign of shock was all the confirmation I needed.

  “What do you mean?”

  I looked away from Elaine and resettled my focus back on Risa’s faraway figure. She was on the ground now, violently weeping while Leon stood over her stiffly. My gut tightened and my hands curled into two fists.

  It seemed wrong for h
er to be alone with him.

  “I asked her who she was. She bolted after that.”

  Elaine exhaled softly. Although I wanted to still stare at Risa, I forced myself to turn back to Elaine. It was important to watch for her reactions. The words didn’t matter as much as the reactions. Those would tell me the truth.

  “You don’t remember her.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  Elaine’s expression smoothed over. She was concealing her thoughts from me and I didn’t like that at all.

  “Who is she, Elaine?”

  “The doctor needs to know about this. We need to determine just how much memory you’ve lost and whether this is temporary. I’ll be back.”

  “That can wait. Tell me. Now.”

  Elaine answered without further hesitation. “She’s your PA.”

  “I don’t employ PAs.”

  “Yes, but you decided to employ her. She’s new.”

  My PA? I tested it against the frustrating blankness in my memories. If Risa was truly my PA then it would explain why she’d held a vigil by my bedside all this time. However, wouldn’t she had been better served at HQ?

  It felt about as right as seeing Risa walking beside Leon.

  Our gazes connected. Her soft mouth parted just enough for me to imagine I could see the tip of her tongue. I thought once again to Leon’s uncharacteristic closeness to her.

  My half-brother was a cold man and not given to gentleness, much less tears. Although we hadn’t spent much time together throughout the years, I knew enough about him to know that he went through women like one indulged a sweet tooth.

  Intensely between long droughts of self-discipline.

  The idea of that luscious mouth and tongue being Leon’s filled me a white-hot rage. For him to hover by her side proved she was important and not a woman to be discarded like the others.

  Deliberately, I broke my gaze from Risa’s.

  She wasn’t mine to look at even if she was my PA. Besides, why was she by my side to begin with? Where was Gretchen? Did she even know that I was hospitalized?

  Gretchen.

  I hadn’t given any thought to her until now. This proved what I’d been suspecting for weeks. We were on our way out.

  Maybe it had already happened?