Gavin: Lies Page 8

I took too long in getting him a drink.

  Not fair.

  I had to check five other vending machines for his lemon-lime beverage because the usual one was out. I’d also ran up a flight of stairs, in heels, to get it to him as quickly as I could.

  “Hold on, Jerry.” Gavin muted the call and fixed me with an irritated stare while standing up. “You said you’d be right back. That was ten minutes ago.” He pointed me out the door and shut it before continuing on his call.

  I hadn’t made sure the deli left the dressing off his salad.

  Not my fault.

  They made the mistake, not me. I didn’t see the tell-tale sign of the offending condiment because it wasn’t drenched.

  “I can go down and get another salad. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  “Don’t bother.” Gavin tossed the container into the trash. “At least the drink is right.”

  On and on it went.

  This was definitely a change from Gavin’s behavior so far. I’d suffered his deep freeze, but I didn’t have to suffer his sniping until now.

  As expected, it threw me off my game. I didn’t know why Gavin was so upset. What had changed?

  Maybe my cover was blown because he wanted to find out why I lived in a building where units started in the multi-million dollar range. Maybe he originally thought I was a high-priced call girl on the side.

  No, he was too smart for that.

  Even if I had sex with several clients every day for five years, I still wouldn’t have made enough to afford my place.

  All it would take was a little digging to find out one of my father’s subsidiaries was on the deed. Shit! That had to be it.

  Calm down. Think things through.

  If Gavin found out about my father he would’ve thrown me out as soon as I stepped foot in his office. Besides, my father owned dozens of companies. What were the chances that Gavin knew that one or any at all?

  No way he knows.

  Which meant it was something else. But what?

  I went from paranoia to frustration to indignation to guilt and cycled through to the beginning. We were supposed to be getting closer. Why was Gavin pushing me away now?

  Hurt and angry, I wondered if this was part of Gavin’s twisted game. Did he dangle the carrot of a relationship in order to see how much he could make me suffer before I broke?

  Marlene’s warning came back to haunt me.

  “Gavin doesn’t do love.”

  Was this how he tested women to see if they were foolish enough to fall in love with him? It wouldn’t surprise me. At least, coming from someone else.

  Hurt broke through the surface.

  So for the first time in our working relationship I decided to give Gavin a taste of his own medicine. By early afternoon I dropped my smiles. I stopped pretending his coldness didn’t bother me.

  For every scowl Gavin gave me I gave him one in return. Instantly, I saw this irritated him.

  I didn’t care.

  Full of spite, I was glad to see the effect of my disdain. I could admit to the pettiness of my behavior, but I felt justified.

  Truthfully, I also felt betrayed by him.

  I’d lived my whole life with a man who manipulated me in order to get me to behave. I didn’t appreciate my idol doing the same.

  I had accepted Gavin’s bad behavior last week because I deserved it. I’d made a mistake so I deserved to be punished.

  However, I didn’t deserve this.

  I’d done nothing wrong this time. I’d even been a good girl when it came to him and Marlene. I’d done everything he wanted so why was I being treated this way?

  Wounded, I became convinced Gavin played a vicious game the night before. He made me believe I was someone special, someone worthy of his admiration and affection. Even though I’d doubted that honor, just knowing Gavin wanted to see me outside of the office made me happy.

  So yes, I felt angry and betrayed.

  I would’ve rather Gavin had never taken me to dinner, never threw out the idea of anything more between us if he was going to behave this way now.

  I wasn’t sure where my backbone came from but I was glad I had it. Especially as the rest of the day wore on.

  The staff could see their boss was irritated with me. I had even heard Caroline’s name being brought up more than a few times in hushed whispers.

  “I wonder what Paige did. She probably messed up big time.”

  “I’d hate to be her.”

  “I heard Gavin say he couldn’t wait until Caroline got back. I second that. She’s the only person who can keep Gavin from going completely on the warpath.”

  Hearing that was like a kick to my gut. It was painful proof I couldn’t be what Gavin needed me to be. That I wasn’t as good as someone else.

  First it devastated me.

  Then it enraged me.

  It wasn’t that I was incapable. It was that his moods shifted beneath my feet like a damned earthquake and it was my goddamned emotions that kept getting in the way.

  So by the time seven o’clock came I was primed and ready to just not care what the consequences of my defiance was going to be.

  We were going to fight for the last time. I didn’t have to take this shit from him or any other man.

  Except Daddy Dearest.

  The reminder of my sniveling fear lit me up to volcanic proportions. I hated Patrick for creating me to be this way, and yes, I hated Gavin for being anything like my father.

  Once the last employee left and the lights were turned off in the main space, Gavin emerged from his office.

  “Paige!” he barked when he stalked by my desk. “Conference room. Now.”

  SEVENTEEN

  Eager for a fight, I got up and followed him without hesitation. Silently, we walked past the darkened and empty cubicles into the cavernous conference room. No one would hear us.

  “Have a seat.”

  “No thanks. I prefer to stand.”

  A frown bisected his thick brows. “Very well. Let’s get down to it. What’s your problem today?”

  I let out a cutting laugh. “Problem? I don’t have a problem. I’m fine. In fact, I’m better than fine.”

  “I don’t appreciate your sarcasm. Now explain yourself.”

  I crossed my arms. If he thought he was going to knock me down then he’d learn something about me today. I’d lived with a bastard of a father who was a helluva lot meaner than Gavin could ever imagine being.

  “I don’t have to explain myself to you, Mr. Hawthorne. In fact, you should be explaining yourself to me.”

  Gavin’s eyes widened. He shook his head, as if disappointed in me.

  “I knew this was going to happen.”

  Now it was my turn to look at him as if he’d lost his mind.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “There’s a reason why you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure.” Gavin’s narrow gaze assessed me from head to toe. “Things get messy. Case in point.”

  I definitely didn’t like where this was going. Nor did I like him throwing things back to me. He was the offending party. Not me.

  “That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “It makes perfect sense, Paige. Last night I tell you I’m interested in dating you. Today you’ve been doing nothing but giving me attitude.”

  “Excuse me? How have I been giving you attitude?”

  “Let me count the ways, Paige.” He ticked off the points using his fingers. “Your work has directly suffered. You took longer to give me the information you know I need in a timely manner. You barely made any effort to do what I asked. I don’t order you around because I’m bossy. If I make a request of you it’s because I need it.”

  “Hold on, Gavin!”

  He spoke over me as if I hadn’t said anything at all.

  “Today is undoubtedly the worst performance you’ve shown this company. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it’s happening on the heels of last night.”

  “Th
at’s not fair! I’m not the kind of woman who’d leverage you like that!”

  His complaints crossed into personal territory and I wasn’t going to stand for it. I was a screw-up in my private life, no doubt about it, but not when it came to my professional life.

  No way.

  “Results speak for themselves.” He crossed his arms, looking down on me from his superior height. “I don’t approve of your methods, Paige. How are we ever going to work if you try to take advantage of my goodwill?”

  I was so damned furious I saw red. How could he lay everything at my feet like I was some kind of conniving, manipulative bitch?

  Truth hurt?

  Forget that. No way were they even remotely the same thing. This time it was all Gavin.

  Didn’t he see how he’d been treating me all day long? He’d humiliated me in front of the whole office! If anything he was the one taking advantage of my goodwill.

  “I’ve been busting my butt for you all day like I’ve done every day. My performance hasn’t suffered at all!”

  His expression grew colder.

  “You’re mistaken. This is not the Paige Winters I hired. This is not the PA I’ve depended on for the last two weeks. You are not being yourself and frankly I don’t like it.”

  I was on the verge of unleashing my temper in a torrent of obscenities. I didn’t often get to this point, but when I did, I just didn’t give a fuck what happened next. I could count on one hand the times I did this to my father, and while he always made me bitterly regret it, it was a consequence I’d been willing to take.

  I didn’t doubt Gavin would be any different.

  But just like exile had been my last consequence with my father, I was willing to get booted out of here too. I spent my whole life alone. I wasn’t afraid of it. I’d survive leaving Gavin like I survived leaving every other place.

  True, but leaving Gavin isn’t the same as leaving everyone else. This time you truly care.

  No! Bullshit. I didn’t need him. I didn’t need anybody.

  I couldn’t let myself forget the reason why he was staring me down like I was a vile disappointment.

  Like the only two people who really know who you are look at you. Patrick for existing and Melissa for not being Gavin.

  Rage flowed through me, stronger than ever. Seriously, how dare he lecture me? I wasn’t being myself?

  He didn’t even know who the hell I really was and obviously he didn’t want to know. He just wanted me to be the poised and unruffled PA who didn’t have real feelings and was willing to take all his crap with a smile.

  That was the real issue here.

  I dared to have feelings.

  Bitterness burst inside me. Contrary to my fantasy, Gavin was no different than anyone else I’d encountered. People were all the same. As soon as their expectations weren’t met, they turned on you because humans were narcissistic to the extreme. Everyone else was only made to serve as a reflection.

  That was why individuals didn’t cross social, physical, and ideology lines. It would challenge their personal truths. Nobody wanted to see themselves in less than the best light.

  Including Gavin Hawthorne.

  This bitterness made my voice venomous.

  “You’re right. I’m not being myself. I’m not being a doormat for you. I’m showing something called spirt and self-respect. I’m sure they’re concepts foreign to a man like you.”

  “A man like me?”

  “Oh yes. I know men like you very well.”

  Gavin took a step closer. His blank expression should’ve made me uneasy. Thankfully, I was way past feeling anything remotely close to uneasy.

  I welcomed the upcoming battle.

  EIGHTEEN

  “Tell me more, Paige.”

  “Gladly. A man like you only wants everyone to cower in his wake. You’re the only person allowed to have expectations of other people. We’re just little pawns in your game of life, aren’t we?”

  “Is that how you’ve felt today, Paige? Like a pawn?”

  “Don’t act like you care. And no, I’m not feeling like a pawn. Not today.”

  He exhaled. His serious gaze probed me, most likely seeking to understand why I was in such a snit. Oblivious because I wasn’t playing nice. Fucker. He wasn’t going to get under my skin anymore.

  “I don’t think you’re getting the point of this conversation,” he finally said softly.

  Unbelievable!

  “No, Gavin. You’re the one who’s not getting it. I didn’t come to Axis 3 to be your doormat and I definitely didn’t come to work today to take advantage of your goodwill.”

  Gavin made a sound in his throat somewhere between a growl and a purr. “You’re pushing me away. Why?”

  “I’m pushing you away? You’ve got to be kidding me! You’re the one pushing me away. On purpose!”

  Fury kept pumping through me like venom.

  “I get it now about you. We got too close last night and instead of dealing with it like a grownup, you’re using it to push me away from you. Is that what you want? Fine. I’ve got no problem with that.”

  He cocked his head. A look of compassion swept over his perfect features.

  “Paige. Come here.”

  “No.”

  “Please.”

  I held out my hand in warning and took a step back. I didn’t trust myself not to take this as a benediction from a beloved god. I’d seen the ugly truth and I wasn’t going to fall under his spell again.

  Gavin had proven to me he wasn’t the idol of my youth. Worse, he’d shown himself to be no different than everyone else. He didn’t care about me at all. He only cared about the reflection of himself through me.

  I may have been messed up, but I was sane enough to know I needed a relationship with Gavin like I needed a hole in the head.

  And yet seeing him standing there with such a sweet look in his eyes, a look solely for me…

  No.

  It wasn’t the truth. It was a lie. It was manipulation designed to get me to bend to him. To do what he wanted.

  But what if it’s not?

  Too many emotions were flooding through me. I hated losing my temper, and rarely did, but I guess I just had too much of my father’s volatility in me. Unfortunately, I suspected I also carried too much of my mother’s gullibility when it came to believing the best in people.

  How else to explain her being duped by Patrick into carrying me and then giving up all parental rights with the promise of being able to see me anytime she wanted? A promise that ended up not being worth the breath used to deny it.

  No wonder I was constantly being pulled in opposing directions.

  I was the spawn of a devil and a gullible…saint? No, not saint. I was sold for a house. Whatever Aricela was she damned sure wasn’t a saint.

  Who the fuck gives up her baby for payment? And why the hell did Patrick keep me all those years when it’s clear he doesn’t give a damn about me?

  Say what I would about my father, at least he didn’t give me false hope. I knew exactly where I stood in his esteem. It saved us both years of wasted time.

  “Please, Paige. Take my hand.”

  My mind splintered into jagged pieces of rage, sorrow, and pain. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to go away. Anywhere.

  I took a step back. I had to get out of this place. I didn’t want to fall apart.

  “Paige! Don’t go. Please.”

  I froze, unable to ignore the tiny pleading note in his voice.

  “Why do you even care?”

  There. That was ugly enough to make him go back to being mean and hateful.

  Gavin’s face turned downwards. His mouth opened and then closed. He looked up at me, gaze burning gold with intensity, and said, “I just care.”

  Three words. Three words that had the power to change everything.

  Standing here, I wanted to believe Gavin had realized the error of his ways. I wanted to believe he cared about me. I wanted to believe he was sorry.


  I refused to bend. Rage and disappointment were safer. Because what would happen to me if I believed him only to find out later it was a lie?

  I wouldn’t be able to take it. I’d fall apart right here and how would I put myself back together?

  Gavin seemed undeterred by my stance.

  “I’ve seen you, Paige. The real you. I know this isn’t you. So let’s talk.”

  It was another lie. He didn’t really mean it.

  When are you going to get it? People don’t care about anyone but themselves! Gavin is no different.

  It hurt. Badly.

  And how could I really blame him when I was no different? My being here at Axis 3 proved I only cared about myself. I judged people for their sins when mine were just as bad if not worse.

  “We don’t have anything to talk about.”

  “Yes, we do.” He advanced on me. “We obviously had a severe issue of miscommunication. I want to hash this out and make it right.”

  Make it right? Impossible. There’s no way to fix this. Not when I came in here on a goddamned lie!

  The truth had a way of being the pinprick to let out all my hostility. Or at least it did until I revved up my rage again. As I got tossed in the waves of my destruction, I distantly understood why I welcomed these baser emotions.

  Anything less than fury would make me think I had a place here with Gavin. I’d already spun the sugar lies, justifying and rationalizing how I could make a relationship with Gavin Hawthorne work.

  Hating him long enough to finish this was the only way I knew how to really show Gavin I cared.

  Like father, like daughter.

  “You want to make everything right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine.”

  I stood my ground and said the two words to bring this farce to an end.

  “I quit.”

  NINETEEN

  “You quit.”

  “That’s right. I quit. You don’t pay me enough to put up with your garbage, Gavin. Caroline is such a saint, right? Let her deal with you. I’m done.”

  “I’d be careful with my threats if I were you. You better mean what you say, Paige, because I won’t accept an apology for this later.”